Brighton gathering

There will be a further gathering at my house tomorrow evening (wednesday) at 8 pm and thursday at 6pm. My address is 50 lorna road, hove bn3 3en.  There will be a space to share some memories of betsy for those that would like to - so have a think..  Also any photos welcome too.  Lots of love x

Betsy's funeral

Betsy's funeral will be held tomorrow - Monday 10th August at 1pm. Please arrive by latest 12.30pm to allow time to walk across to the chapel.

The funeral will be at:

Western Cemetery
Bulls Cross Ride
Cheshunt
EN7 5HT

Unless you have limited mobility or need extra assistance, please park in the main Western Cemetery car park and walk through to the Woodland Cemetery as directed. Otherwise there are a few spaces for those who need, on the actual Woodland Cemetery site.

Looks like there is a chance of rain tomorrow so bring umbrellas or waterproofs.

Please car pool where possible.

There will be shiva prayers on Monday and Tuesday evening at Dad's house and there will be a further gathering in Brighton on Wednesday and Thursday evening.

Only love

It is with a broken heart that i pass on to you the loss of our beloved boo.  Her soul left her body just after midnight last night following a peaceful transition into the spirit world. We are all devastated by the loss of  our beautiful betsy although equally relieved that her suffering has come to an end and her soul is free to soar. Thank you all for your loving messages - i read them out to Bets as they came in.  We will keep you posted in terms of the next arrangements, although in line with the jewish traditions  we will be aiming to hold the funeral on Monday..
With only love xx

Last days

This is my first entry to Betsy’s blog and I write as our precious sister lies in hospital. Originally we started the blog to be able to keep our nearest and dearest in contact with Betsy’s progress through her cancering journey and I know the silence has been hard for a number of people. So, I am writing now, on behalf of Bets to let you know what the last couple of weeks has held and where she is now.

On Betsy’s return from Mexico she began to have pains in her legs. After a quick deterioration she soon lost power and control of them entirely and relied on those of us around her to be able to transfer her from place to place. Her head continued to cause her pain and discomfort and after a few days we were back in the clinic having a discussion with the oncologist who has dutifully been looking after Bets for the past few months.

The news was not good. Betsy’s condition had rapidly deteriorated and the cancer has spread to her spinal column and was progressing quickly in her brain. Bets was admitted in to the Sussex County Hospital on the same day.

Since her admission the staff have been attempting to manage Betsy’s symptoms as much as possible to allow her to be comfortable.

Sadly, it looks as if Betsy has no more than a few days left in this body of hers. After some trial and error the amazing doctors and nurses have succeeded in managing Betsy’s pain and helping her to be as comfortable as possible. She is aware of our presence although now unable to communicate.

The family are with her and she is surrounded by love and gentle strokes. We are now praying for her suffering to end and for a peaceful separation of body and soul.

Betsy’s cancering journey has been long and she has been a total inspiration to those around her who have had the privilege of joining her on her path of healing. The ebs and flows have been equally painful and beautiful to be a part of and the lessons she has shared have rippled through our communities. Betsy has maintained her humour, dignity and strength throughout this journey, and her faith has never waivered. She has been true to her heart every step of the way and has always believed in her own innate wisdom. Betsy has had the most incredible ability to see beyond the physical manifestation of the cancer and the changes that have occurred within the body, maintaining a philosophical perspective despite the challenges she has faced so far. She has been thrown deep in to a spiritual journey, which she embraced with so much love, gaining huge comfort from the divine within. She is a true warrior of light and love.  

I am sharing this with all of you now so you can be present with her in her last days. Be with us as we sit with her and pray for a peaceful end.

With love and oms,

Kate

It is what it is

Sometimes I don’t really know where to begin writing… 

It’s all just a bit too much to explain, so perhaps easier not to…but then I think that it is worth explaining, because it’s a crazy journey apart from anything else that should be documented, but I don’t have the explanation for all the things that are going on, so I guess that makes me feel ‘unsafe’ when explaining things to ‘the outside world’. Obviously it’s easier if I’m able to say ‘this is why I’m feeling this and this is why I’m feeling that, but all of this is unknown territory to me, as much as it is you. I don’t have any explanations for each of the feelings I’m experiencing. All I have is the physical and emotional (and sometimes when I’m feeling deep enough, the spiritual) to share. That makes me feel vulnerable because I want to be able to say something along the lines of “yes, this is just the body’s way of detoxifying and healing, so don’t worry, I’m just going through that process and I’ll be fine. But I don’t know that for sure. That’s just what I hope. 

The important thing for me in all of this is that I step into that mindset of believing…really believing on a deeper level that I’m healing. That’s the only way it can happen. But there’s something that I haven’t quite figured out yet – there’s still something that stopping me believing. I’m almost there but I know I’m missing a link at the mo. It’s like I can feel I’m getting closer to the ‘key’. It’s as if some conditioning from way back is stopping me… so, I’m working with a few different techniques and people to see if I can unlock this ‘code’. Gees, it sounds cryptic. If I can see it as something fun, a game, something light, it would be better than a ticking time bomb, which generates fear. But that’s difficult in itself. I don’t really see it as fun. I just want the luxury of being one of those people that really sincerely believes that I can do this. Because I know that they are the ones that cure themselves. So, I pray and I hope each day that grace will give me that. 

There’s a lot of fear coming up at the moment, which I know is also part of all of this. I have to be true to what comes and let it be there, not get too caught up in it, but just let it be. It’s all part of this incredible, crazy ass, journey. 

I’m also feeling a lot fire, but I guess that’s a good thing too. It’s all there for a reason…to burn all this nasty stuff. The truth is, at the moment, I don’t really feel like myself. I had a session yesterday and acknowledged that I’m not only trying to re-programme my mind in many ways, but my whole body is actually in a state of re-programming, of flux, on a physical level. I’m trying to change my body round into a state of positivity, of alkalinity, of strong white blood cells, of immunity, of health and healing, of joy, of love, of yummy yummy deliciousness, oozing only good things. Hehe… you get the gist… 

I feel like the steroids are making me a bit wild in amongst all of that though, so that’s a challenge. Wowzers, they’re strong pills – big face, spots, mood swings, joint pains, you name it – they do it. In fact, I’m pretty sure that that’s where a lot of this seemingly “un-Betsy” fire is coming from. Bless Zac, who’s on the receiving end of it. Eeek. 

Wow, just acknowledging as I’m writing that this blog is actually rather challenging to write. I feel like I don’t want to tell you all exactly what’s going on, but at the same time I feel like I don’t want to not tell you, because this is me. It’s the reality of it all. This is my journey. And it’s my truth. But truth can be scary. I guess it doesn’t have to be though. It just is what it is. But maybe this journey is about vulnerability, initially anyway. Standing in this space of “difference”, of the unknown, of what I believe in. Letting you all know how things are at the moment without any answers, without the rose-tinted lenses. I guess that’s all I have. I don’t have reassurance to give you at this stage. Just what is. I guess it makes us all a bit vulnerable – the ‘un-knowingness’ of it all. Life’s way of teaching us a bit about ourselves I guess. Sending massif love to all you soldiers xxx

Home sweet home

So, crazy old time since leaving Mexico. Bit of an epic journey back to the UK. We left Mexico, went across the border to Yuma, Arizona and stayed the night there before flying out the next morning. Yuma to Phoenix. Phoenix to Charlotte. Charlotte to um, well circling round Charlotte for an hour to be told that the plane was overweight, not enough pressure or something, so didn't set off over the Atlantic at that point. Got off the plane back in to Charlotte again. 4 hours later on, we got on another plane then eventually off back to London Heathrow. I actually felt remarkably ok considering everything. My whole digestive system has been totally out of whack so I made myself do a coffee enema as soon as I got back to the flat in Brighton, then cooked some dinner and managed to stay up until 9.30. 

But the last couple of days have been tough for old body. It's not been easy with jet lag, digestive issues, I got a cough, a swollen spotty face from steroids and I've had this crazy thing going on with my left knee...(random). The night after the flight I woke up in the night with excruciating pain. For those of you that remember about 14 years or so ago I had keyhole surgery on that knee and haven't had much feeling in that knee since. The last 48 hours, I literally can't explain the level of pain I've been experiencing. Absolutely huge. It's taken my breath away. It really has. Then this morning, same again. The most intense pain. Totally full on. Then later on it started to subside and Zac asked me how the feeling was in the knee. I suddenly realised that I had complete feeling back in the knee - all the nerves in the knee (after pretty much 48 hours of the most agonising pain) have regenerated themselves and it seems to be a normal knee again. The most random, kind of hilarious, thing. I'm not going to get all excited or anything about it, but all I'm saying is "sure - you go right ahead body and heal whatever it is that you'd like to heal. I'm giving you as much goodness as I am capable of giving you. I love you and I'm open to anything and everything!"

Mexico - last day

Well, this is it. 12 days in Mexico done. One hospital room. Zac and I. Treatment after treatment. Dendritic cell therapy and bone marrow stem cell therapy have been the most 'different/complex' ones to get my head round. But then again, not much I have to do other than try, and trust, and hope, and be positive. As I felt right from the beginning, Dr Payan, the doctor here, knows his stuff and is doing everything he can to help me. We had a good meeting yesterday, going through everything I've done here and going through everything I will be doing to carry on the protocol when I get home. He said he's here with me every step of the way from now on in. It's going to take focus on my part (and communication with him), but I know I can do that.

My bowels are a bit out of whack, but hopefully being back on home turf with food and water that my tummy recognises will help. My face is a little bit large shall we say - the steroids that I'm to keep the swelling down in the brain give a sexy kinda swollen look in the face :) But other than that, the body's feeling good! ...and it's only gonna get better from here. I know it. So here goes. England here we come. It'll be nice to be home, that's for sure. See you all on the flip side. xxx